Puddled eyes and we call it joy
I’ve got puddled eyes today. I have them more often than not lately. Some are for happy reasons and others show my struggle. Both kinds have joy.
Living day by day, stripped of most that I have known, am comfortable with, is gone. We don’t have much and God is literally providing by the hour. I was just handed a sponge from a new sister and friend. I’m fighting the tears. I see so many things as a gift these days…all the way down to a kitchen sponge! I’m filled with gratitude and thanks towards the Love and provision of Jesus. Boy is Jesus real and alive. Each day I am realizing how big Jesus really is. I’ve never been so stripped . I now have different eyes to see. I see so much more than I used to.
I am fighting to have complete reliance on God. I’m sure I could be stripped of so much more and that reliance will deepen. Why is it so often like that? We need God when things are not easy and when things are great; it’s easy to not need Him as much. When we are happy we give thanks but we don’t need Him like we do when it feels like we have nothing. When it feels like He is all we have. I wish I were strong enough to overcome this and perhaps all this we are going through is reaching me closer to that. I want Him. I want to need Jesus in all situations. Not when life gets hard. Prune me. Teach me. Guide me.
When money seems so distant and bills are at my fingertips, I am reminded once again to drop to my knees. Today, as I kneeled on my knees in the passenger’s front seat of our RV, in a Wal-Mart parking lot (josh was spending our last few dollars on toilet enzymes) God showed up as usual. I prayed for an attitude change. I prayed for strength in depending on Him alone. I don’t always know how to have the perfect attitude when we get ourselves in complicated situations. As I prayed, a homeless man walked by our window. I saw him and my heart started to break for him. How did he get there? What did his spiral of events that face down look like? I continue praying for me and my heart stumbled upon this question….”Ok Jesus what do you want from me? I know what I want from you”. I felt inside of me to go put on some shoes and warmer clothes (it was early morning and chilly) and walk outside and sit beside the homeless man that pierced my heart. I’ve been feeling these tugs lately and they have led me into some amazing situations just by being beside people who need to talk. The conversation mysteriously always ends with Jesus. Amazing.
In my mind getting out of the RV was the last thing I wanted to do especially when it came to talking to someone who had such desperation on his face and here I was in an RV that didn’t cost us a penny. What would I say? How do you describe Gods love to someone whose heart may be so far off from that notion? Why do I question God so much? He speaks when we cant; I needed to trust that. So I grabbed some granola bars and off I went.
His name was Pat, he knew all about Jesus, even quoted scripture. Was sober, not a criminal, just unemployed. This is the second homeless man I have met in a week that was completely sober and trying to survive. I’m used to San Francisco homeless people where most are far from sober trying to manipulate people in all ways possible. So Pat and I sat and talked for a while, he had a story to tell. He noticed the lack of heart in the churches around him. He believed that many people have taken scripture out of context to manipulate and justify what they want. He believed in sticking to the scripture and believed that it is what it is. He believed in Jesus as his “Lord, Shepard and Savior”. He believed in a God that he felt was different from most churches he had been too. He noticed the faults. There is truth to what he is saying; I can’t deny that.
I tried to encourage him that we are the church and that if he fixed his eyes on the scripture alone and put his faith in a continuous relationship with Jesus…. He will show up and He will provide. He needed to believe though. All the criticism of the church was keeping him from his own faith. Amazing how the churches imperfections can become a distraction that separates us from God as well.
Pat's tent a few nights previous was put to fire with him in it. He believes it was some gang members who struck it. He was in a place where he was once again starting from scratch. He had a sign and a few clothes. So what was his only shelter is now gone. Pat was angry at God for not providing for him. He was confused. My heart hurt physically at this point.
He told me that churches believe that they are helping the homeless by feeding them. He said that what they need is shelter and a job. Someone to believe in them. He believed a church is to be a place that is always safe and never closes…,.not a business. He saw the business in most churches. I see it too. What happened to that church that welcomed anyone and did life beside people especially the ones lacking, the needy? Do we love our neighbors no matter their story? No matter how busy we are?
This brings me to the story of a man in Africa who was raised in the streets, deserted by his parents at age 9, found his way into multiple gangs and decided through a crazy experience to believe in Jesus. He was minutes away from blowing up an entire tent of Christians when he opened himself up and saw the heart of Jesus. He could not read, knew nothing about scripture but he created a blind faith for Jesus. The very next day just by claiming Jesus' love out loud, he drew a dozen people to know the heart of Jesus…our God. He still had no shelter but God eventually showed up. He provided him a roof over his head by a white missionary who decided to move to Africa and begin a disciple ministry. He snatched Steven, gave him a garage to sleep in, taught him to read, speak English, write and today Steven speaks 8 languages. He has traveled the world multiple times sharing his testimony and saved so many. The only reason he is who he is today, is because of one man who decided to do life beside him for a season. And one thing led to the next. Steven gave it his all. The crazy thing is the missionary who took him in had no money but was still willing to give and God always showed up. They would be down to their last piece of food, bar of soap and somehow, at the last minute, they were provided with what they needed. That kind of faith is something we as Americans are not usually familiar with. Here I am getting a glimpse…a spec of that and already I have grown and learned so much. It has not been easy but I know it affects me and its darn right difficult to keep a good attitude. The only thing that lifts me up is when we have what can feel like nothing to me but so much to another…and I give. I want to do life beside people. People need consistency, they need community and when that happens, God shows up in full throttle. So pray about this. We are connecting with so many that have nothing, so much less than us and we want to walk beside them the best we can. I pray God allows it because although we have no money this month, next month is different. God has given us jobs that are building and consistent. We want to give our money away and for now, have just enough to get by. We feel that this is what God wants from us in this season.
So from negative bank accounts, tons of overdraft fees…. To gas in our engine and food in our bellies... We are good. God is providing. The Jesus in a few of my most favorite people have completely allowed us to continue our journey. I am forever grateful. All we have has gone into our mobile home and things are getting more organized around here. Our computer is set up as of yesterday. This entire time we would have been able to work and keep up with the cyber world if our lap top had not gotten stolen. So funny how God provides us with a job, over the computer on our own time, generous pay and the very next week, the Enemy attacks and takes away our tool for making it happen. Funny how that seems to work. Our lap top and cameras are so vital for our new journey and like a snipper…a thief in the night swoops it all away. We surprisingly had great attitudes about it. Off to San Diego we went and picked up Josh's computer that was stored away and a few weeks later we are rolling! God is good through it all….so much joy, so much adventure, so much need for attitude adjustments, so much failure, so much dependence, so much fun and so much mystery. We are loved through it all. Thank you Jesus.
Living day by day, stripped of most that I have known, am comfortable with, is gone. We don’t have much and God is literally providing by the hour. I was just handed a sponge from a new sister and friend. I’m fighting the tears. I see so many things as a gift these days…all the way down to a kitchen sponge! I’m filled with gratitude and thanks towards the Love and provision of Jesus. Boy is Jesus real and alive. Each day I am realizing how big Jesus really is. I’ve never been so stripped . I now have different eyes to see. I see so much more than I used to.
I am fighting to have complete reliance on God. I’m sure I could be stripped of so much more and that reliance will deepen. Why is it so often like that? We need God when things are not easy and when things are great; it’s easy to not need Him as much. When we are happy we give thanks but we don’t need Him like we do when it feels like we have nothing. When it feels like He is all we have. I wish I were strong enough to overcome this and perhaps all this we are going through is reaching me closer to that. I want Him. I want to need Jesus in all situations. Not when life gets hard. Prune me. Teach me. Guide me.
When money seems so distant and bills are at my fingertips, I am reminded once again to drop to my knees. Today, as I kneeled on my knees in the passenger’s front seat of our RV, in a Wal-Mart parking lot (josh was spending our last few dollars on toilet enzymes) God showed up as usual. I prayed for an attitude change. I prayed for strength in depending on Him alone. I don’t always know how to have the perfect attitude when we get ourselves in complicated situations. As I prayed, a homeless man walked by our window. I saw him and my heart started to break for him. How did he get there? What did his spiral of events that face down look like? I continue praying for me and my heart stumbled upon this question….”Ok Jesus what do you want from me? I know what I want from you”. I felt inside of me to go put on some shoes and warmer clothes (it was early morning and chilly) and walk outside and sit beside the homeless man that pierced my heart. I’ve been feeling these tugs lately and they have led me into some amazing situations just by being beside people who need to talk. The conversation mysteriously always ends with Jesus. Amazing.
In my mind getting out of the RV was the last thing I wanted to do especially when it came to talking to someone who had such desperation on his face and here I was in an RV that didn’t cost us a penny. What would I say? How do you describe Gods love to someone whose heart may be so far off from that notion? Why do I question God so much? He speaks when we cant; I needed to trust that. So I grabbed some granola bars and off I went.
His name was Pat, he knew all about Jesus, even quoted scripture. Was sober, not a criminal, just unemployed. This is the second homeless man I have met in a week that was completely sober and trying to survive. I’m used to San Francisco homeless people where most are far from sober trying to manipulate people in all ways possible. So Pat and I sat and talked for a while, he had a story to tell. He noticed the lack of heart in the churches around him. He believed that many people have taken scripture out of context to manipulate and justify what they want. He believed in sticking to the scripture and believed that it is what it is. He believed in Jesus as his “Lord, Shepard and Savior”. He believed in a God that he felt was different from most churches he had been too. He noticed the faults. There is truth to what he is saying; I can’t deny that.
I tried to encourage him that we are the church and that if he fixed his eyes on the scripture alone and put his faith in a continuous relationship with Jesus…. He will show up and He will provide. He needed to believe though. All the criticism of the church was keeping him from his own faith. Amazing how the churches imperfections can become a distraction that separates us from God as well.
Pat's tent a few nights previous was put to fire with him in it. He believes it was some gang members who struck it. He was in a place where he was once again starting from scratch. He had a sign and a few clothes. So what was his only shelter is now gone. Pat was angry at God for not providing for him. He was confused. My heart hurt physically at this point.
He told me that churches believe that they are helping the homeless by feeding them. He said that what they need is shelter and a job. Someone to believe in them. He believed a church is to be a place that is always safe and never closes…,.not a business. He saw the business in most churches. I see it too. What happened to that church that welcomed anyone and did life beside people especially the ones lacking, the needy? Do we love our neighbors no matter their story? No matter how busy we are?
This brings me to the story of a man in Africa who was raised in the streets, deserted by his parents at age 9, found his way into multiple gangs and decided through a crazy experience to believe in Jesus. He was minutes away from blowing up an entire tent of Christians when he opened himself up and saw the heart of Jesus. He could not read, knew nothing about scripture but he created a blind faith for Jesus. The very next day just by claiming Jesus' love out loud, he drew a dozen people to know the heart of Jesus…our God. He still had no shelter but God eventually showed up. He provided him a roof over his head by a white missionary who decided to move to Africa and begin a disciple ministry. He snatched Steven, gave him a garage to sleep in, taught him to read, speak English, write and today Steven speaks 8 languages. He has traveled the world multiple times sharing his testimony and saved so many. The only reason he is who he is today, is because of one man who decided to do life beside him for a season. And one thing led to the next. Steven gave it his all. The crazy thing is the missionary who took him in had no money but was still willing to give and God always showed up. They would be down to their last piece of food, bar of soap and somehow, at the last minute, they were provided with what they needed. That kind of faith is something we as Americans are not usually familiar with. Here I am getting a glimpse…a spec of that and already I have grown and learned so much. It has not been easy but I know it affects me and its darn right difficult to keep a good attitude. The only thing that lifts me up is when we have what can feel like nothing to me but so much to another…and I give. I want to do life beside people. People need consistency, they need community and when that happens, God shows up in full throttle. So pray about this. We are connecting with so many that have nothing, so much less than us and we want to walk beside them the best we can. I pray God allows it because although we have no money this month, next month is different. God has given us jobs that are building and consistent. We want to give our money away and for now, have just enough to get by. We feel that this is what God wants from us in this season.
So from negative bank accounts, tons of overdraft fees…. To gas in our engine and food in our bellies... We are good. God is providing. The Jesus in a few of my most favorite people have completely allowed us to continue our journey. I am forever grateful. All we have has gone into our mobile home and things are getting more organized around here. Our computer is set up as of yesterday. This entire time we would have been able to work and keep up with the cyber world if our lap top had not gotten stolen. So funny how God provides us with a job, over the computer on our own time, generous pay and the very next week, the Enemy attacks and takes away our tool for making it happen. Funny how that seems to work. Our lap top and cameras are so vital for our new journey and like a snipper…a thief in the night swoops it all away. We surprisingly had great attitudes about it. Off to San Diego we went and picked up Josh's computer that was stored away and a few weeks later we are rolling! God is good through it all….so much joy, so much adventure, so much need for attitude adjustments, so much failure, so much dependence, so much fun and so much mystery. We are loved through it all. Thank you Jesus.
now i have puddly eyes. i love your heart; the way that you question, think, and seek. if only i had the "eyes" to see the way you and your family are changing and advancing God's kingdom. if we had some sort of special lens to see that realm...it would certainly be magnificent. treasures in heaven; keep storing them away. His glory is yours. and his love will keep leading.
ReplyDeletelove you.
-c
Be sure to check out Steven Lungu's book, "Out of the Black Shadows". it's a pretty amazing life story...that's still being lived to the fullest.
ReplyDelete